having a down day


having a down day

Postby Copper on June 15th, 2009, 2:26 pm

i dont know if i have every made a point of it
but i have had so meany problems over the last year i will say i am really enjoying my uni work its the best and that is the only reason that i dont mind being away from home

but the problem im having is the house made i am trusting to stay at my house over the summer has no respect for me i gave her 2 rules over summer not being loud late at night and no smoking

and its been 2 weeks i knew she had partys that was aloud but when i look over the photos of them all at my house there is 2 photos of blatent smoking and one where its completly natural

she first denied that they smoked and then when i told her i found the pictures she told me if was just a joke (not a very funny one in my eyes) but since in the third photo was not a staged photo non of the people in the photo were not looking at the cammera etc but there was a burning fag in one of there hands

im not looking for ansers im just feeling really hurt and upset
im just looking for a space to vent

thanks for the time u took to read :)
im really a nice person i cant be horible to be people i have to have a good reason to be nasty, some would say 2 faced but i just dont have the bottle to stand up for my self if it stoped an argument starting

im so stuck in a world were i have no control i have deside to get the girl out of my house and im building up my guts to tell her when i visit in july
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Re: having a down day

Postby sin on June 15th, 2009, 4:43 pm

I understand what you are going throu..I had the same rule for my step son when he stayed with us..NO SMOKING...PERIOD...but his daddy let him go out and smoke then get right into my new car or come straight in the apartment..I am allergic to smoke..I just plain made them as miserable as they made me..daily clorexing the car & fabreezing it..and when ever the {29} son was around I wore a mask and had the cara windows down..In January..It was chilly to cold..oh well..if they did not like it to bad...

If you can not vent to your friends then who?? Just ask wren...heehee....she was my outlet for 2 months....hope things will work out for you...just have dreamy thoughts of Lucian...hugs AE sister..xxxx
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Re: having a down day

Postby Mr Spice on June 15th, 2009, 5:16 pm

Sorry to hear that, copper. Some people are so selfish they just don't deserve friends.
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Re: having a down day

Postby KimberlyK on June 15th, 2009, 9:54 pm

Copper,

*hugs* being sent your way. It sounds like you need them!

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Re: having a down day

Postby MsKitty on June 16th, 2009, 2:15 am

Oh Copper!

That 's awful! Your 'friend' is quite disrespectful. They were very clear ground rules you gave & if they knew they couldn't abide by them then they should have had the decency to tell you.

You have every right to be angry, make sure you send her the bill for all cleaning expenses when you boot her out!

xx Kat
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Re: having a down day

Postby Copper on June 16th, 2009, 3:37 am

thanks you for the suport i have been telling my friends and im just hoping i have the strenth when i go down there next month to chuck her out

but you are all very lovely im just so upset and angery thats all i cant think of i need to just stick it in the back of my head and enjoy the rest of my hoilday right now

big hugges
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Re: having a down day

Postby Lynsay on June 16th, 2009, 9:10 am

Hugs Copper. You definitely need to forget about this and enjoy your vacation. After that you can clean house. You'll do fine. I hate confrontation too. And I'm not good at it, at least on my own behalf. Pretty good when it's for someone else, but not so much with me. But it's your home, and she's just boarding with you right? It's not like you both got the place together, so your rules and you need to stand up for them. You can do it. Hugs

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Re: having a down day

Postby Denise on June 16th, 2009, 2:35 pm

So sorry, Copper. I, too, hate confrontation because I always say something I regret later. Hugs to you.
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Re: having a down day

Postby wren on June 16th, 2009, 8:36 pm

My sweet Copper, if I could, I'd fly over and help take care of the confrontation for you. I'm rather good at confrontation myself (that's not always a good thing) and other than that, we are your friends and "venting" is part of our being friends. If often helps us get some objective views from others outside of the situation. Your requests of your housemate were very reasonable. Being loud and having late parties could disturb your neighbors and others, and many people are allergic to smoke or just prefer that people not smoke inside their homes due to the smell of tobacco.

Our sweet Gypsy lives here and she smokes (though she has been trying to quit again) but she always goes out on the porch or back patio and she has never smoked in my car, whether I was with her or not because she respects us and cares about my son's allergies. She is also a great housekeeper, and cleans as she goes so that it is never around us. I grew up with "secondhand smoke" as my Dad smokes and so do other extended family members, so as long as the smoke isn't blowing in my face, it generally doesn't bother me much except for health reasons. However, my younger son and sin are very allergic to pollens, dust mites, and all kinds of things including the smoke from tobacco products and the tobacco smell also bothers my husband. sin & my son get very sick with sinus infections from allergies, so it's important for their health when a request is made not to smoke around them or where they live. So, my family & friends does everything they can to not have it in our home or car. Even when it is cold or rainy outside or super hot/humid Mississippi summer weather...Gypsy doesn't smoke in our home, and neither do any of my other family members or friends, so there is no excuse for your housemate's behaviour.

Your housemate knew the two rules that you gave for her to live in your house over the summer, and she agreed to them. You trusted her to do the right thing and follow your agreement, but she didn't. Try to remember this when you go (after you enjoy your holiday) to deal with the situation: Your housemate deserves the consequences of her actions, which are that she won't be allowed to live in your house any longer. The decision has been brought on by her breaking the rules that were agreed upon, not by your actions and you are not being mean. You may like her, but you cannot trust her to follow through on what she says she will or will not do. It is hard to be friends and good housemates with someone you can't trust. We all live with either positive consequences or negative consequences based on our actions. If you feel that you can work it out to give her another chance, then have a very serious discussion with her about what the consequences will be if it happens again. If you expect her to continue to be a problem as a housemate, do not feel guilty when you tell her that she needs to find another place to live. Give her a time to be out, and stay until she has moved from the premises...and as MsKitty said, bill her for any cleaning expenses!

Okay, it took me three paragraphs to say what everyone else has in a few sentences...but at least you know I love you & am sending hugs your way! ♥ wren
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Re: having a down day

Postby Gypsy on June 16th, 2009, 8:44 pm

Hey Copper, about the down day....here's one especially for you, okay...."Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff"....have a great holiday first, then kick her out! I follow the rules to the best that my evil little pixie self can! If I can do it, so can your housemate!

♥ Much love sending your way,
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